Every item below is priced in Almanacks (Ⓐ), an internal, purely spiritual unit of account with no exchange rate, no bank, and no relationship whatsoever to any currency used in, say, a hypothetical struggling touring band's settlement sheet. "ADD TO OFFERING" is a button. It is not a checkout. Nothing will be charged, because nothing here can be bought, because none of it, strictly, exists.
Authentic Kite Splinter
A splinter of wood, from a kite, allegedly the one. We have forty thousand of these in inventory. We are not troubled by that math and neither should you be.
Ⓐ13
Bifocal Shard, Left Lens
See two things at once: the ground, and the terrible mistake you're about to make walking on it while wearing this.
Ⓐ21
Genuine Almanack Reproduction (Year Unknown)
Weather predictions for a year that has already happened, all of them wrong, several of them wrong in a way that feels personal.
Ⓐ4
Fire Mark, Replica
A small tin plaque, two clasped hands, a date that isn't yours. Nail it by your door. Nothing about your house is now insured. We cannot stress this enough. We have been sued about this exact sentence before.
Ⓐ7
Lightning Rod Fragment (Cold)
Guaranteed never to have been struck by lightning while in our possession. That's the whole pitch. That's the relic.
SOLD OUT (ASCENDED)
Communion Crisps, Family Size
"As the Father intended," reads the bag. The Father did not comment on the ingredients list, which lists "flavor" as an ingredient of itself.
Ⓐ2
Personal Virtue Chart (Blank)
Thirteen columns. Seven days. Track your own failures in a grid designed by a man who tracked his for sixty years and never finished. You won't either. That's fine. That's Admonition Four working as designed.
Ⓐ1
Tin Kite Lapel Pin
Wear it upside down to signify mourning. Wear it right-side up to signify you haven't checked which way is up. Both are correct.
Ⓐ3
"Return to Sender" Stamp, Unused
For letters with nowhere to go. Some things you only need to almost say once.
Ⓐ5
Feeling Generous Anyway?
The offering box accepts intent, buttons, and the occasional sincerely-meant proverb. It does not accept real money, because we have nowhere to put it, and no one authorized to hold it, and honestly, at this point, no address.