We asked the flock to tell us what the Kite-Father has done for them. We did not fact-check any of it. We do not have the budget, the staff, or, frankly, the desire.
"I was a Sleeper for six years. Slept in every day, out of protest, until the protest became indistinguishable from a nap. Found the Fellowship. Now I rise before the sun, which, on my street, means I rise before the streetlights turn off, which means I stand alone in the dark being Industrious at nobody. It's the most spiritually fulfilled I've ever been." — Deacon-Elect R. Pomfret, Third Ward
"My husband kept a Virtue Chart on the refrigerator. Thirteen columns, one for each admonition. He never got past Order. Never once. Nine years married and I have never seen a man fail so consistently at something he cared about so much. I don't know if that's the Kite-Father working or the opposite of that. Either way, I no longer ask." — Mrs. H. Delacroix-Wintrell (name change requested; request denied per policy; we have no such policy; we just liked her name)
"I flew a kite in a thunderstorm to test my faith. This is not recommended by the Fellowship, was never recommended by the Fellowship, and the Fellowship would like it on record that this was extremely against the spirit and the letter of the doctrine. That said: I have never felt more alive, and my hair has never been straighter." — "Sparks," occupation withheld for insurance reasons
"As an actuary, I was skeptical. Then I ran the numbers on the Thirteen Admonitions against forty years of small-claims fire data, and Admonition Ten (Cleanliness) correlates with reduced grease-fire incidence at a rate I am not legally permitted to call miraculous, so I will call it 'actuarially favorable.' I have since been ordained. I still run the numbers. The numbers still hold. I don't know what to do with that information, so I'm giving it to you." — A Chief Adjuster, somewhere, who wishes to remain unnamed for reasons that are probably about liability
"my dad made me write this for the website he doesnt know i put in that he snores during Silence hour every single night. anyway kites are cool i guess. 3 stars." — a Junior Lamplighter, age withheld, grammar unedited on principle
"I posted a letter I never intended to send. I will not say to whom, or why, or what became of it, or of me. I will say that the slot took it without a sound, and that I have felt lighter every day since, in a way I have decided not to examine too closely. Praise the Rod. Mind the step." — Anonymous, by request, and honestly by necessity
"Joined for the merch. Stayed for the Admonitions. Left briefly during the Frugality phase because the group asked me to stop buying merch. Came back once I realized the Frugality phase was, itself, a kind of merch. It's Admonitions all the way down. I have made peace with this. My wallet has not." — T. Ashgrove, Pilgrim in Good Standing (Tier 2)
"The Storm took my uncle. Or he moved to another town without telling anyone. The Fellowship's position is that these are, doctrinally, the same event. I have chosen to find that comforting rather than alarming, because the alternative involves paperwork." — K. Ferrow
Have Your Own Testimony?
Wonderful. Keep it. We are not currently accepting submissions, mail, calls, or eye contact at the annual gathering. This is not a policy so much as a lack of infrastructure. See Heresies & FAQ for how to join anyway.